Dear Self-Doubt

Dear Self-Doubt,


You spent the morning with me. Even after a bowl of fresh fruit, delicious gourmet granola and fresh local goat milk yogurt, even after a big cup of coffee and a walk with the dog, you were revved up and ready for the day. Disappearing during moments when I was being fully present, you returned when I turned my attention toward the past or the future.


You hung out with me as I searched for a place to live, and creased my forehead wondering if I'd ever find a place I loved as much as my Cardiff cottage. You considered which actions I should regret from the day before. You held a sermon inside my head scanning for ways I could be a better daughter or a more loving mother to my dog. You wondered if and when I'd ever live my dream. I almost let you take the reins again all day.


Then you met my friend Dresden. Within minutes of showing up, she and I were engaged in a Gmail chat session about living our dreams: about writing. We made a pact that every day for the next 30, we'll each spend 30 minutes writing. And publish it. 

Writer's Pact Girl

An hour later, you met Serra. She texted with an invitation to come swimming in her huge pool on this hot Labor Day. Swimming with bright-eyed children whose presence is like Buddha. 


And by noon, you met Randy. And like a parched field during the first few minutes of rain, within an hour spending time with this exquisitely beautiful friend, I could barely hear your voice at all. 


Self Doubt, I'll never hate you. You are welcome in my life; I am having a human experience. You are a facet of my perception and you want to be loved. That's the only way you'll find your place, wherever it is, at peace.  I'll just make sure to spend more time nurturing the friendships that help me to feel peace too.


Jessica