To my baby girl on Mother's Day

Dear Helena Beam,

I had no idea
Well maybe a distant sense
Of what "in love" meant
Before you arrived

I'd heard parents and teachers
"Invest in the children"
If only we did, they said, we'd have such a brighter world

I'd felt blissed-out delight
While dancing in the sand
Or to Michael Jackson in my living room
Felt that infinite wonder feeling
That "anything is possible" feeling
An echo of a beautiful world inside my chest and bones
A world babies are born knowing

You smile when you sleep
In between breaths, a dream
Surfaces joy on your face
It lights up even with your eyes closed
You know this world of freedom
Rainbows and ripe peaches
Ribbons in the sky

And as I watch you
I become devotion itself
Here on Earth for only one purpose
To love you
To see to it that
When you stir in the night
You don't need to scream and sob to be heard
When your belly senses hunger
You open your mouth to find just what you need
When you open your eyes
There is light there to greet you
And your ears
They aren't troubled by loud noises and voices
And your skin
Feels the decadence of my love for you with every single touch
No hurry, no forcing, if I can instead be 
calm and allowing, following your 
natural rhythms rather than
The fabricated speed of life 
forced fast
For an economy that doesn't even 
make life better anyway

I'm not fooled by the claims
That say I should "toughen you up"
Does the wind toughen up flowers or
Simply blow with them?

I am here to love you
Not by the book
But by heart

So I see now
it starts with the children
I see that in a loving world
Every moment of a human life
From baby emerging, into
Every patience generating moment after the next

We are, at our best, here to create
A world where children thrive

In this world, my inner child thrives too
And the innocence thrown away
By so many adults is
Reclaimed, as wounds heal
Regrets dissolve
Watermelons fill the fields
Of summer mouths

Here, in our living room
Your warm face rests on my chest
Your body curls around me
Tuning into Mama's drum beat heart
And you know
Little one
That you've made me a mother
And that I can never stop thanking you
And that the oceans must grow deeper now
To make room for all this love I feel

Mama

Dear Baby-to-Be

Dear Baby-to-Be,

It's past noon and your daddy and I are still
in bed. When I woke up and asked myself,
"What would make me happy right now?"
I got inspired to set up our baby registry for you.
You'll emerge in just three months and
we are all blissed out
imagining life with you.

As soon as your daddy woke up he made me
hot tea of raspberry leaf and nettle
both super-power-pregnancy plants.
His bike outside beckoning in full view
from our bedside French doors, he is perfectly content
instead right by my side

imagining life with you.  

Pure wool baby blankets
organic cotton rompers with tug boat
flower and mushroom prints
luxurious chamomile and almond oil baby cream
glass baby bottles for when Mama's not around to feed you
and because we'll keep on doing our best to
love ourselves really well
while you're in my womb and when you come out
prenatal and postnatal massages for both of us.
You move a lot when Mama gets massaged.
It's like you're saying,
"Good job Mama! You loving you is good for me too."

We'll be riding bikes together through the
sycamores and oaks of Bidwell Park
beside the rushing creek, beneath the wings of songbirds.
Your daddy found the baby bike seat he likes and now
he's cooking us breakfast.
Baby, it just cracks me up. It's like a movie sometimes.
Every day with him, I still think I'm dreaming.

We are already so in love with you.

Love,
Mama

Corporate Surprise

Dear Sports Car Driver Guy,

It was one of those moments when I set aside my
"I only drink coffee from independent coffeehouses"
cappuccino connoisseur hat and
pulled into the drive-thru at Starbucks

Dogs in the back of the station wagon
ready for our morning hike
I pulled in for a little
they call it tall
foamy vanilla latte
then almost pulled right out
poorly planned parking lot
cars all mashed in a line
some stuck in their spots until
some other drive-thru caffeine fiend
budged

You were parked
trying to reverse and, I thought, leave.
So I reversed, freeing up some car claustrophobia
making space for you but instead
you pulled into the line
right in front of me.

I didn't care, I totally didn't care, and for a second
I wondered why until I remembered
I was headed for a hike with my
two marvelous dogs
I have a baby growing inside my
healthy womb
I have a world class partner and our town has
a phenomenal farmer's market and
my family and friends really, really love me and
even when I'm broke I feel rich in the most important ways
what on Earth was there to be bothered about?

You revved up your sporty engine every time you
advanced in the line.
I snickered and pulled out my ATM card knowing
even when I'm low on dough, it is always
worth spending my last few bucks on coffee.

The perky girl at the window handed me my coffee
with a lid, which I removed as I always do
I can't stand plastic between me and my coffee
and she said
"The guy in front of you
bought your drink today."

A Safe and Friendly Universe

Dear Bike Nerd,

I was having lunch with a friend and his baby boy
crunchy Romaine and thin sliced red onions
in the shade until the sun moved
heavy on my shoulders
pushing us back
out into the day again

My creamy key lime commuter bike Felicia
rested steady on the sidewalk
locked up, graceful
awaiting another spin in the June breeze

You left a note on my handlebar
must have stood admiring
her rear internal hub
or her fine whispering hue
her way of moving you even
as she stands
motionless

Yes I ought to replace those pedals soon.
But if I had done so already,
I might've missed your
cafe sleeve reminder that we live
in a safe and
friendly universe

Thank you,
Jessica

Dear Med, the Mother of my Love, on Your Birthday

Tomorrow is your birthday and you 
across the globe in Sweden
are on our minds.
I haven't met you yet but you are celebrated
every day in our home
I can see your face in your son's face
gentle, noble 
lines of a life rich with feeling and smiles.


On our wall in black and white photos
you hold him on a sailboat
a comforting mother and
her infant whose yawn looks the same 39 years later.


As we celebrate your birthday
5,200 miles away
I want to share with you what
I imagine would be 
some of the best words a mother
could hear, things you already know
but still land with softness and light your day.


Your son is as kind and thoughtful, as loving and honest,
as playful and open-minded, as accepting and sweet
as free-spirited, patient, and confident
as I imagine a man could be. 
He rides his bike every day, he makes music and 
teaches himself new things, he cooks beautiful food
for us, often in celebration of his native land
juniper berries ... elk meatballs.
He loves his dog and mine, our home, 
and has influenced me to switch 
from daily coffee to daily tea.
I've met no one who knows him well and doesn't find him
to be one of the most wonderful people alive. 

Hjalmar Carl Henrik Hake, May 2012

For all the love you've shown him 
all his life, 
for the respect he has for women 
which surely
has a lot to do with you
for the safety you instilled in him 
as a baby
and beyond
I am in gratitude and celebration 
for you.


Happy Birthday Med!


Love,
Jessica

Dear Sun Shining Through the Windows at Tin Roof Bakery

Dear Sun Shining Through the Windows at Tin Roof Bakery, Where Lots of People Turn Away From You Even When it's 36 Degrees Outside and Move to Another Table Because You are So Bright, but I Sit Straight-Smack in the Aim of your Piercing Fire Hoping They Never, Ever Put Up Blinds to Block Your Intensely Gorgeous Heat and Light,


I love you. 


Jessica

To the Girl Outside the Variety Show

Dear Amber,


You're that girl with the genuine face
standing outside the show tonight
your cheeks chilled by the bitter valley fog 
of winter
your eyes crisp in the glow of a 
dark December sky


You stopped me
to tell me
you like my art
in that go-out-of-your-way way
like a child, full of courage
"I really mean it..."


Oh, I thought, that's right
my art
I do have an art
it was like being caught playing clueless 
by a familiar old messenger
an owl who'd been watching me pretend
not to love what I do


You're that voice inside my head that
never stops cheering
sustained by the joy it finds in 
helping me remember 
the gift I came here to live 


You're that girl, you are
for me and for the art that lives inside
and I can't help but wonder
where to buy the soundtrack of 
your soul


Love,
Jessica